Know your worth?

Know your worth? Easier for some people to say, right?  What if you were never taught your worth? How is worth defined? Where do you go to get it? As a child, I was told I would never amount to anything. Believe it or not, I still hear that in my mind when I am trying my hardest. I will tell you the leg work on trying to believe you are nothing like what you were told. It has been one of the hardest things I had to master to date. I swear it wasn’t until a few years younger than the age I am now that I started to believe otherwise.


I would be lying if I told you the leg work is easy, And what works for me may work for you, but I tell you this you are worth trying to figure it out. Trust me; you are not alone. That girl or guy you look at and think they have it all together, they don't. I've learned that no matter what it looks like on the outside, no one has it all together. No one walking this earth does. Simply because everyone's definition of having it all together looks different. I've learned that money doesn't make a person have it all together, trust they still have problems, looks don't make you have it all together, trust me ask that pretty/girl or the handsome guy whose partner just cheated—being skinny? Fat? Etc. None of those shallow things matter. When the issue is on the inside.


I don’t have it all together, and at times, it becomes hard to know my worth, but I know I have to keep moving and pushing forth. Keep working on myself. I’ve learned that as an adult, if you were not taught as a child about your self-worth, it can be much more difficult to find as an adult. Now I am not saying it can’t be done. But you have to do the work. I  had first to identify what was making me question my self-worth. It was my upbringing. How my mother spoke to me and what she said to me as a child made me feel worthless.


I first identified my self-worth with people and how they felt about me. My mission was to wake up and ensure everyone I came in contact with had a good experience, even if that hurt me. I know how it feels to be sad and worthless, so I never wanted anyone to feel that way if I had anything to do with it. I put others and what they needed before mine. I never said no. I never set boundaries. I didn’t know how to; I just thought everyone was better than me. Why? Because I was told, I would never amount to anything. When you hear that from your mom, it has to be true. This person birthed me; they know me better than I know myself.


That thinking followed me when I got with my child’s father. He verbally abuses me, just like my mom. I thought this had to be love. And I dealt with that for about ten years. I met my husband while still with my child’s father. My husband started talking to me like he saw me. I gave him such a hard time because I didn’t think I deserved anything good. Poor Man. He helped me build my self-esteem, but when I tell you, I fought him tooth and nail. Sometimes you don’t know how bad you messed up until you can get to a better environment.


I was messed up in my thinking, which affected how I raised my son. Too scared to discipline him because I didn’t want to get angry and say what my mom had told me. I probably beat my son five times in his whole life. I raised him almost by myself until he turned nine, and then he had his dad, my husband, and me. Thank God he came out ok. Lord knows I always knew I would not have any children; if I did, I would only have one. I had two siblings, an older by two years and a younger at 11 months, which are no longer with us. But as I was growing up, it was tough to be my mom's least favorite for no reason but just for being born; it made me think that if I had more than one child would I favor one over the other. I was terrified of that, so I guess we will never find out.


So it boils down to this: I found that knowing your worth and confidence goes hand in hand. Knowing your worth is a personal experience. It is your thought; it is your actions. Don’t let your self-worth depend on external situations, which can become very unstable to your psyche. So let's do a little leg work. Ask yourself these questions.


  1. What's stopping me from feeling worthy.
  2. What are the things that you feel make you worthy? Write them down and focus on them (pro-social goals) 
  3.  What can you do that no one else can do. Trust me; you have something. We all do. Mine is that I can encourage a legless horse that he can win a race. I am great at boosting people's confidence.


I end with this self-worth is not an easy thing to develop. It is best taught as a child, but it can be a little challenging for those who didn’t learn it. Trust me; you are not by yourself. Do the leg work. You owe it to yourself.



I love you